Infinite Consequences
by tooemptyforyou
Summary: Post Season 1. Will/Mac. After accepting that she'll never have a relationship with Will again, Mackenzie accepts another job offer and leaves News Night. But she soon discovers that one foolish night will ensure she'll never be able to break away completely.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first story and I'm not sure how to tackle dialogue, which will be necessary in future chapters so it will be slow going. Feedback appreciated but be kind, please. **

_And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love, _

_When all my resistance will never be distance enough_ – Anna Nalick

MacKenzie was sitting on her balcony, her mind curiously blank beyond the reverberating question of how in the hell she had let this happen. She had not yet reached the point of considering what she would do from here. Instead, she was stuck in a kind of shock that it was happening at all.

She had finally, finally moved on with her life, or was bloody well trying. She'd made a modest success of News Night. She had managed to accept that Will would never completely forgive her or, at least, never want a relationship with her. After receiving multiple job offers over the last six months, one tempted her enough to actually take it and she'd hoped that severing ties and starting over would lead to her being able to forgive herself someday. She wasn't convinced she'd ever be truly happy, but she did hope to find some peace. Accepting the impossibility of a life with Will had certainly been a step in that direction and eight weeks ago, she had walked away, heart breaking in a million pieces once again but head held high.

Weren't all of these steps, while excruciatingly painful, also phenomenally healthy? Hadn't she accepted what she couldn't change? Hadn't she recognized her own addiction to letting Will punish her for something she hated herself for? Hadn't she purposefully broken away from that? Hadn't she earned career opportunities through her own success and accomplishments? Looking at the facts of her story logically, and ignoring the pain she still felt (something she had also gotten better at), she took a little pride in her progress.

Apparently, though, the universe was not satisfied with her efforts and was not the least bit interested in forgiving her. In fact, the universe apparently wanted to continue her punishment. How else could the only selfish and foolish decision she'd made in almost a year, and certainly the last six months, result in her sitting on her balcony holding a small white stick displaying two blue lines? And how was she supposed to break an addiction if she was tied to it forever?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, _

_But you do have some say in who hurts you … _

_Three months earlier_

"Good show, everyone." Mackenzie took off her headset, winking at Jim and practically beaming with pride. She had been giving more and more responsibility to him. At first, he'd had a few stumbles, mostly due to his own nervousness and not at all helped by Will's resistance. She had expected Will to be a little difficult simply due to the fact that the man hated change, especially when it came to News Night. But she had to admit, she hadn't expected him to be quite that uncooperative, something she had not at all appreciated due to her fondness for Jim. However, much to her delight, as Jim had gained confidence, he'd also learned how to handle Will – for the most part, anyway.

After handing over control a little at a time, she'd let him be acting EP this entire week, and he'd done brilliantly. He was ready now, and that made her decision much easier. She might be leaving, but News Night was her baby and she wanted to know it was in good hands. Now, to tell the others. She'd start with Charlie. Then Will. That latter part was going to be hard, probably for both of them, though she thought for different reasons.

As she was heading to her office, Will came up behind her and gripping her arm, steered her to his office.

"What's the matter?" she asked, mentally calling on the patience she expected to need.

"I've let you give more responsibility to Jim for a while now and I haven't complained."

"Haven't complained? Are you joking?" Mackenzie asked incredulously, though with an underlying tone of amusement.

"Fine, I've complained a little" shaking his head and waving his hand around dismissively, "but now he's had it for a week. Does he have a job offer somewhere? Is there some reason he needs to take over this long? Because if not, then I expect you to be back on the mic next week."

"Will, he's been my assistant for years, both here and in Afghanistan. I think he deserves to gain more experience as EP. I think I owe him that much, actually. And frankly, he's shown he can do the job and do it well."

"Yes, he has done a good job," Will conceded, though not happily. "But seeing as how it's currently your job, I'd like you to go back to doing it."

A while ago that would have earned Will a sharp retort to say the least, but now Mac just sighed, "Fine. Anything else?"

"No," and in apparent concession that his mood was a little uncalled for, followed with, "Look, I just feel more comfortable with you as my EP. I'm used to hearing your voice in my ear."

Mac smiled, a little sadly, "I know." There was a time she would have tried to read something into that comment. But that time had passed and now it just added to the million reminders that if she hadn't messed up everything all those years ago, that comment would have meant a lot more than just Will's comfortable work routine. Mackenzie abruptly cut off that line of thinking with a subtle shake of her head.

She began to head to the door, but turned and added, "Jim's done a great job, Will. He'll make a great EP, you know. I want you to remember that."

Will looked at her quizzically for a second, and was about to ask her something further when the door opened, "Hey, you two. The staff seems to be going for drinks, not that that's an unusual event, are the two of you going?"

"I'm going to decline, Charlie" Mackenzie answered. "It's been a long week and I think I'm going to head home."

Will also declined and Mackenzie forced her mind, once again, not to wonder why or where he might be going. She noticed with relief it didn't take the effort it used to, in fact, stopping her mind from going there was almost automatic now. Instinctual. It's about damn time self-preservation kicked in, she supposed.

As Mackenzie reached for the door, Charlie put a hand on her arm and said, "Can I talk to you for a moment? In your office?"

"Uh, sure, no problem."

When they arrived in her office, Mackenzie rounded her desk and Charlie took a seat in the chair in front of her. "So, Jim has done well this week."

"Yes, he has, " she answered, smiling proudly.

"So, I presume your recommendation when you give me your notice next week is that he be promoted to EP."

Mackenzie blinked, while Charlie sat before her with his trademark smirk on his face.

"Yes, I know you're leaving us. And as much as I really want to talk you out of it, and not just for the show's sake, I'm guessing I don't have a chance in hell of changing your mind."

"Charlie," Mackenzie started, but he interrupted, holding up his hand,

"Mac, I know you've received at least four offers during the past several months, and given the success of the show, I wasn't surprised," Charlie explained. "I wasn't sure you would ever leave but I knew our days of having you were numbered when you started giving so much control over to Jim."

"Oh," Mackenzie replied, surprising herself by actually blushing. "Charlie, I was going to tell you Monday," she began to explain hastily.

"Yes, yes, I knew you were going to tell me." He let out a deep sigh, "I don't suppose I'm wrong and there is a way to talk you into staying?"

"Charlie, you know how much I love it here and how much I adore you. Our ratings are solid now and I just think it's time I move on to something else." More emphatically, she continued, "And Jim is ready and can even handle Will, for the most part. I want you to move him to EP, I know he can do it." Jim had followed her literally all over the world and she wanted to make sure he had this position upon her leaving.

"Well, as you know, Will has a certain amount of say in that, and I think he's going to abuse whoever takes your place, but I can put my foot down." Smirking again, he said, "That still seems to work around here, occasionally, you know."

Laughing lightly, Mackenzie indulged him, "Yes, occasionally."

Charlie looked at her for a moment. "Putting my foot down won't keep you from leaving, though?"

Mackenzie's smile faltered, and with a trace of regret in her voice, answered, "No."

"I didn't think so. I'm guessing there is only one person who could do that and he won't get his head out of his ass long enough to do anything about it."

Mackenzie gave him a small smile. "Charlie, you know things aren't that simple."

"Bullshit. You get to be as old as I am, you learn how simple things are."

Mackenzie laughed, "Charlie, you talk like you're ancient." She adored Charlie, but she really needed to re-direct this conversation. "It's really like I said, I think it's time I move on. I just …" she trailed off for a moment, looking somewhere behind Charlie. Then forcing her attention back quickly, she continued, "It's what is best for me, and at some point, what is best for me is something I should probably consider."

"He's going to put up a fight."

"Well, Will never has liked change, especially when it isn't his idea."

"Oh, I don't think that will be the problem."

"I think it has a lot do with it, on various levels." Mackenzie responded cynically, but did not elaborate further.

Charlie decided to cut her some slack. He couldn't say that he blamed her for wanting to leave, though he had plenty of blame for Will. "Alright. Well, I'm not going to push any further." As he was standing he added, "With you, anyway, but no promises when it comes to Will. In fact, I regret not saying anything before."

Mackenzie stood also, " I really wish you wouldn't. I think this is best for all of us, at least for me, and I'd like it to go as smoothly as possible."

Charlie looked at her for several moments and finally stated, with resignation, "Okay, if that's what you want. I'll try my best to stay out of it."

"Thank you, Charlie." Mackenzie said, sincerely.

"You stay in touch, okay?"

"Of course."

After Charlie left, Mackenzie sat back in her chair, staring out at the city lights for a while, lost in thought. Not very long ago, she had real hope maybe Will would be willing to give them another chance, or more specifically, her another chance. That damn voice mail after the Bin Laden show. She had been so certain she knew what was on it. Was certain that Will had told her that he could forgive her or wanted to try again or maybe even, though she cringes at her own naiveté now, that he still loved her.

Will insisted he didn't remember what it said, but she knew better. And she knew that he knew that she knew better. She had finally decided that if she quit hounding him about what it said and instead, just gave him some time, eventually he'd be able to tell her without manufactured help. It had never occurred to her that he hadn't meant what he said. She just thought he'd needed to be high to say it.

Wow, did she ever misjudge that one. She remembered the day Maggie came bolting through her door at the same time Mac was getting ready to walk out of it. She can't even remember what inane thing Maggie started saying to her, except that she was talking fast and not making a lot of sense. Mackenzie was usually quite patient with her but the show was over and she'd been in a hurry to catch Will before he left. So, she'd nodded her head as if she was listening but managed to still shuffle around her, just in time to see Will placing his arm around a woman and walking out.

Mackenzie had no idea how long she'd stood there. It became clear from Maggie's apologetic mutterings and asking if she was okay that she'd been trying to keep Mac from seeing Will leaving with the woman, whoever she was. Which was sweet, Mac knew, but also made her feel pathetic. She'd finally turned to walk back into her office but caught herself and asked, without ever turning to look at Maggie, "That's not the first woman he's left with lately, is it?" Mackenzie vaguely remembered another occasion recently when Maggie came bustling in at the end of the night. Very quietly, Maggie responded, "No."

Mackenzie never turned around, just said, "Thank you, Maggie. Really."

She must have gone on automatic pilot at that point because she vaguely remembered gathering her things and leaving. Her memories of the cab ride to her apartment are just as hazy, but she does remember as soon as her door closed, her emotions got the better of her.

She dropped her things, made it to her bed and lay there crying for what could have been hours. She really didn't know. She'd spent that weekend cooped up in her apartment. Maybe it was just the intensity of the year catching up with her. Walking in and revamping a long-running news show was no small task under the best of circumstances, but add her tumultuous history with Will and well, it wasn't the best of circumstances. She'd taken over a year of punishments from him; sometimes feeling like they took one step forward, only to next take five steps back. It had all culminated with Will hiring Brian, that one had hurt most of all. Then there was the threat of Will being fired, abandoning the format she'd worked so hard to build, that damn voicemail and battling Leona and Reese. Really, to be fair, the past year was one hell of a roller coaster. But now where was she at the end of it all? Once again, waiting on Will, trying to give him more time, only to find out, he was spending that time dating other women.

How pathetic was she? She hated herself for the fuck-up that ended her relationship in the first place. But now? She almost hated herself more for everything she'd allowed to happen since. Almost, but not quite. She was a little startled to realize that a part of her got some sort of morbid satisfaction out of Will's punishments. They were tangible actions to counter the intangible feeling of self-loathing. She couldn't change the past, so his lashing out at her … well, it was something, she supposed. In any event, it was all just sick and wrong and she was so exhausted with it. Exhausted with hating herself, exhausted with hating Brian and exhausted with Will.

Part of her hated Will, too, in that moment, but she really had no-one to blame but herself, she knew. Not just for the initial cheating, but for letting him punish her repeatedly. He'd never made her any promises, had he? If he made them in that voice mail, she'd certainly never know and what difference did it make now, anyway? At some point, it was just masochistic, wasn't it? By Sunday, she knew this was not the person she wanted to be. She decided that day she was going to force herself to accept Will would never go back to her. She was determined to pick herself up and move on with her life with some measure of dignity, because she certainly hadn't done that thus far. This would be her turning point, one way or the other.


	3. Chapter 3

_God knows we tried everything that we could do  
You can keep your pride and blame me if you need to  
Even though this freedom feels a lot like treason,  
I know staying's worse than leaving  
_

With Charlie already done, Mac only had Will left to tell. Well, other than the staff and more specifically, Jim. She supposed having at least Charlie over with should have greatly reduced her stress. But somehow, with only Will to concentrate on, her anxiety had increased tenfold over the weekend, as had her sadness. Up to that point, Mac's struggle and determination to break away from Will, assert her independence, get her life in order – or, whatever the hell it was she was doing - she had done quietly on her own. This final break, though, would be completely different.

In her mind, she'd crafted several different approaches to this conversation. The problem was, and this was somewhat unusual for her, she really had no idea how Will was going to react and that made it all decidedly more difficult. Anger, relief, sadness, indifference? Well, she didn't really expect indifference. If there was one thing she was still reasonably sure of where Will was concerned, it was that whatever he was feeling at any given time, he _really_ felt it. There was never a middle of the road. He may not be absolutely sure of his own conclusions or the right or wrong path, but as far as emotions, Will was never a _little_ angry or a _little_ happy or a _little_ sad. He was livid, euphoric or heartbroken. And for better or worse, he was never a _little_ in love. As Mac well knew, he didn't love easily or often but when he did, he loved totally and completely. When he had loved her, it was all-encompassing and overwhelming from day one. The flipside of that, of course, was he hurt in the same all-encompassing, overwhelming way. Maybe that was why he could never come back from it …

Mac shook her head brusquely to stop her thoughts. There was no reason to rehash this for the billionth time. She'd gone through this obsessively for years, and had forced herself to stop, or tried. It didn't serve any purpose and there was nothing new to understand, anymore. They were colleagues, and occasionally friends, and in that regard, she was certain he liked and respected her, and she knew she respected him. Beyond that, well, there wasn't a beyond that besides heartache and they'd both had enough of that. Though her mind may choose to punish her forever, she needn't provide it daily ammunition.

Monday morning came too soon and as Mac walked into the office, she was so tense her shoulders were beginning to ache and her stomach was in knots. As usual, she was the first to arrive but she knew that among the next to get there would be Will. She had finally decided she would tell him before the rundown. That way, she'd hopefully have a little bit of time to regain her composure. She had a feeling she'd need it.

Mac sat her briefcase down, turned on her computer and was taking a drink of her coffee when her door opened and in walked Will. Mac choked, nearly spilling coffee down the front of her blouse and feeling as if she'd just gotten caught red-handed.

Will smiled, "You okay there?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Mac answered, flustered and trying to smile back. For some reason, she was having a hard time looking him in the eye. It suddenly occurred to her that maybe Charlie had already told him, though she'd asked him not to. She glanced up at him quickly, searching for a sign that he knew anything. "Um, did you need something?" she asked nervously.

Will furrowed his brow but then recovered quickly, "No, I was walking back into my office, saw you come in and walked over to say good morning."

"Oh, okay then," Mackenzie replied, but continued searching his face for some clue as to whether he knew anything.

"What, Mac? Are you okay?"

"Yes, yes, fine. Just distracted, I guess. You're here early this morning."

He shrugged, "Yeah, I couldn't sleep. I finally decided to just go ahead and come in and maybe get an early start."

She did the usual immediate reminder to herself not to ask if something was wrong, if there was a reason he couldn't sleep. She'd nearly perfected the art of automatically extinguishing her curiosity and concern, or voicing it aloud anyway. She smiled and nodded, she hoped sympathetically, and said, "Well, maybe insomnia can at least be productive then, right?" She hesitated a moment and then decided to just plow through this and get it over with.

"Listen, Will, it's just as well you're here early because I need to speak with you and maybe it's better to do this now before most of the staff arrives."

Will looked startled, then chuckled saying, "That sounds ominous, Mac. Should I be sitting down for this?"

"Yes, yes, I think you probably should, actually."

At that, Will frowned and sat down in the chair across from her desk. "Okay. What's going on? Did something happen?"

"No, nothing happened, Will. Well, I mean, nothing significant. I mean, it's significant but not like a breaking news kind of significant." She was rambling and she knew it.

"Mackenzie, what are you …"

"I'm resigning," she blurted out.

There was silence.

All the color drained from Will's face but his expression was blank. Mac looked like she'd startled herself a little as well.

After what seemed like an eternity, Mackenzie said, "Um, I didn't mean to say it quite like that but yes, I'm resigning." She noticed her hands were shaking and immediately crossed her arms, she thought her voice might be as well. She cleared her throat lightly, trying to regain some control of this situation while Will continued to just stare at her blankly. "CNN made me an offer to head up a new nightly broadcast," she explained, and then added hastily, "Not against your timeslot, of course."

Will continued to stare at her and Mackenzie was getting increasingly uncomfortable. "Anyway, I thought it over and decided to accept." Still nothing from Will. "Charlie knows, of course, and"

"Charlie knows?" Will asked abruptly.

He'd been so quiet and non-responsive, she actually jumped when he asked. "Yes, Charlie knows. He and I discussed it last Friday."

"You told Charlie before you told me? Three days before you told me?" Will's voice was getting a little stronger now.

"Actually, Charlie found out before I had a chance to tell him. I'd intended to tell both of you today."

"But once you knew that he knew, you still didn't tell me for three more days? And he didn't tell me, either?"

"It was the end of the day Friday when he and I talked. I intended to tell you first thing the following Monday, which I have. I don't understand - "

Will cut her off, "You couldn't tell me before Monday? You don't have my phone number, don't know where I live? Is that it? You have to wait until Monday morning at the office?"

"Will, I really don't" Mackenzie began, at a loss as to why this was what he was focusing on, but he cut her off again.

Will stood up, his voice continuing to rise, "No, I'm curious, Mac. Is that how we're playing this? Should I look for a formal letter of resignation by the afternoon? Make sure we're following all the formal rules since clearly that's who we are now."

"Or," Mackenzie spat, having lost her patience with this, "you could just fire me this Friday and save us all the trouble. That option is certainly part of the formal rules, isn't it, Will?"

He stopped then, staring at her. She regretted that remark immediately. She had known he would react negatively and she had intended to avoid taking the bait.

"Is that what this is about? You want to renegotiate your contract?"

She honestly couldn't tell if Will meant that to be an insult or if he was actually serious. She tried recapturing her calm approach, "No, I don't want to negotiate anything. I've received several offers recently and this one enticed me more than the others."

Will started to say something several times, but stopped. Finally, looking away from Mac and out the window, he said, his voice calmer, "This is why you've been giving more responsibility to Jim, because you knew you were leaving."

He hadn't actually framed it as a question, but Mackenzie responded regardless, "Yes, that is partly why. That and he deserves more responsibility. He's more than earned it and I wanted to make sure he not only felt confident but that everyone involved in making the decision on my replacement would have a chance to see how exceptional he is."

He turned to look at her for several seconds before stating only, "Your replacement."

Again, Mackenzie wasn't sure how to respond. Finally, she said, "Yes, my replacement. I can't imagine that there is any question he is the right person for the job and if there is, then at least everyone has had the chance to see him at his best and he'll have a fair shot at getting the position."

Will continued to stare at her and Mac couldn't read him at all. She continued, hoping that she sounded more confident and calm than she felt. "But I haven't said anything to Jim yet. I'd like to speak with him this morning, after the rundown. So, please don't say anything to him, if you wouldn't mind? He's likely to be a little overwhelmed and I don't want him to feel any more blindsided than he inevitably will already."

At that, Will scoffed, running his hand through his hair and looking out the window again for a second. "Yes, we wouldn't want Jim to feel blindsided, would we?" And with that he turned to walk out of her office.

"Will," she started but he didn't slow down and the door closed behind him.

**Author's Note: I am having trouble moving forward from this point because I find writing anything from Will's POV extremely difficult. I know how I want this to go and how I want him to react in the big picture but writing him is hard. If anyone wants to help me out, either by being a beta or maybe giving tips as I try to draft, please PM me. Thanks!**


End file.
